Over the last week, I have watched the entire Fast and the Furious series. The impetus for embarking on such an artistically dubious project was a promise that I made years ago to my husband, probably while drunk. I told him that the next time I was struck with the sort of mind-numbing illness that…
When I was 23, a few weeks after Kill Bill premiered, I dressed up as Uma Thurman’s character from the film for Halloween. In it, she wears a yellow jumpsuit that is itself an homage to Bruce Lee’s outfit in Game of Death. I searched for weeks for something similar, and finally found a pair of…
Last night, I made cinnamon rolls. I’m not a huge fan of cinnamon rolls, per se, but this recipe was included in Mario Batali’s sexual misconduct apology letter, and so I feel compelled to make them. Batali is not the first powerful man to request forgiveness for “inappropriate actions” towards his coworkers and employees. He is…
It happened last month without fanfare: Rand and I celebrated another year together. We’ve had so many anniversaries that they often pass by without us noticing them. I understand now why Rand’s grandparents have to take a moment to remember how many years they’ve been together, why they both give different answers when I…
(Above: Trouble throwing out clothes? Try a signature look, like Aunty Entity’s all-season chainmail frock.) It’s 2018. Time to start the new year off right by finally paring down your possessions, throwing out excess, and living simply. Because society as we know it might be over by March. The Swedes have a practice that they…
Last week, I decided to try Soylent. For those unfamiliar with this “food” product, Soylent is a high-protein drink designed to appeal to lifehackers, dieters, and doomsday cult members who are maybe a little shy and don’t want to come out of their bunker for communal meals. It has an incredibly long shelf-life, and provides…
By now, you may have heard about a dear-god-I-wish-it-was-fake story that’s been floating around the internet, about a vaginal glue designed to keep labia sealed together during menstruation. Now, I know what you’re thinking: Wait, there’s glue made especially for vaginas? I’ve jut been using whatever I had lying around the house! Just kidding, what you…
The thing about having the phrase “petty theft” in the title of my book (AVAILABLE FOR PRE-ORDER NOW) is that everyone assumes – perhaps fairly – that I am driven by compulsive thievery. This is inaccurate. In reality, my thieving is calculated and vengeful, to be meted out upon deserving parties in the name of…
Let’s talk about my first social outing after my father died, which will probably make you feel better about yourself. Actually, most of my life will probably make you feel better about yourself. I’m basically a walking answer to the age-old question, “What happens when we raise a child on television and pixie sticks and…
Tales of Food, Feminism, and Fury
by Geraldine DeRuiter
Available Now!
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