Let’s talk about my first social outing after my father died, which will probably make you feel better about yourself. Actually, most of my life will probably make you feel better about yourself. I’m basically a walking answer to the age-old question, “What happens when we raise a child on television and pixie sticks and…
Dear … um … Crap. I’ll be honest, I didn’t catch your name as it was shouted over your headset. Tamblynn? Is that even a real name? Or just a dehydration-induced hallucination? (And who I am to judge? Geraldine. My name is Geraldine. Thanks a lot, mom. I hope honoring your sister who died in infancy…
One of the fun parts about meeting with publishers is that they start throwing books at you (note: if they do this literally, then you are likely not talking to a publisher. You may be talking to a monkey. Also, in this scenario, the books are probably pooh. But let’s focus on the good: you…
As a lifelong pumpkin aficionado, I have a special place in my heart for the baccanalian gourd-fuckfest that is fall. From the end of September until Thanksgiving, I ingest so many orange-hued treats that my farts smell of cinnamon and nutmeg (“They do not.” – my husband, pumpkin hater and fart snob). I remain, for…
If you live in anywhere along the western seaboard of North America, but particularly in the Pacific Northwest, you’ve probably heard about the massive earthquake that’s going to kill all of us any minute. In preparation, I’ve eaten everything perishable in my fridge while theorizing what will happen in the aftermath of the quake.…
I spent yesterday morning – the better part of two of hours – poking every person I know on Facebook. Every single person on my friends list. The seeds for this idea (the merits of which remain still unclear to me. Was this a social experiment? A prank? A very subtle plea for help?) were planted during…
For the last few weeks, I’ve been searching for two very specific items that I am sure will improve my life in all sorts of unimaginable ways. The first is a skirt. I am having trouble describing it, but it is one of those skirts with an overlay that comes down over the inner layer,…
Last week, I put googly eyes on a bunch of Rand’s stuff around the house, in order to teach him a lesson about … I can’t remember. But I’m sure it was important. Anyway, today he found the last eyebomb. “Someone wants to eat my hair. That’s great. It has googly eyes. I’m so happy.”…
As my recent foray into Paleo eating suggests, I’ve tried (and triumphantly failed) to be healthier. A big component of that failure isn’t just that I like eating things made primarily of butter – it has to do with my woeful attempts at exercise. I regularly take classes that, had I known what I was signing up for, I…
Tales of Food, Feminism, and Fury
by Geraldine DeRuiter
Available Now!
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