The Week: Nov 30, 2012

My apologies for the light number of posts this week. I was working on a few things, but none of them came to fruition. Like this following excerpt, which never became a post. I’ve included it because I feel it properly explains why I was absent from the blog (I was recovering from a food bender):

Geraldine emerges from underneath her aunt’s dining room table. She is disheveled and confused. In lieu of pants, she wears a tablecloth, folded into something akin to a diaper. Her trousers were discarded long ago, when she found she could no longer button them. An ill-conceived fourth helping of pie was the cause.

Remnants of said pie remain on her face. And also in her hair.

She roams around the house, dazed, (though acutely aware that her tablecloth-diaper is surprisingly comfortable).

“What day is it?” she asks, her voice, hoarse and dry is barely a whisper. She struggles to think of the last thing she drank. She is fairly certain it was gravy.

The house is empty. No one replies to her query, but the clips of crazed shoppers on the television gives her all the information she needs to suss out the date: it is the Saturday after Black Friday. She has lost a day.

Since no one is around to stop her, and she is unhindered by those pesky pants, she waddles over to the fridge, and pulls out what remains of the pie.

And she would kindly like you to know that, in her tablecloth diaper and crumb-covered shirt, she is in no state to blog. Unless by “blog” you mean “eat more pie.” In which case, she can totally do that. 

On that note, have an awesome weekend, folks. Enjoy these links.

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I may have just eaten my weight in pie, but let’s not forget: the cranberry sauce has something to say, too. (And it’s worth listening to, because it is a RIOT.)

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My friend Mike introduced me to the Kanye Wes Anderson Tumblr. It might be too cool for me.

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I really, really want one of these wooden Lego figures, but they’re all sold out. Pity. It would have made a GREAT Christmas gift for at least half a dozen people I know.

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My brother just introduced me to Key and Peele. I’m incredibly impressed with the show (it’s damn funny). Their sketch about zombies is one of my favorites so far.

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A collection of some of the more delightful ACME products featured in old Looney Tunes cartoons.

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These ads for a science museum in Canada are clever, fun, and completely surprising. (The balloon’s worth of farts is my favorite. Obviously.)

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Recently, a friend told me he had tasted a wine which the sommelier had described as having “a finish reminiscent of pencil shavings.” It’s a common occurrence: we attach gross descriptors to a wine that isn’t at all gross. The results can be hilarious, and strangely accurate.

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I’m absolutely digging the photography of Ryan Schude. He manages to make modern-day photos look like relics from the past (without, you know, resorting to an Instragram filter).

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The short story “I Was Trying to Describe You To Someone” by Richard Brautigan is so lovely, I almost can’t stand it.

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Quick! Check out this amazing Calvin and Hobbes search engine – odds are it won’t be allowed to stay up for long. In the meantime, you can find that one strip you’re always describing to your friends.

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That’s it for me this week. I’ll be back on Monday to share all sorts of nonsense with you.