A Conversation With Myself, Regarding Cherries.
“Sometimes I worry about you. Because you spend a lot of time alone, you know?” – my husband
“I’m kinda hungry.”
“CHERRIES.”
“Huh, yeah. I could go for some cherries.”
(Several minutes and a pound of cherries later …)
“Ugh. I don’t feel well.”
“EAT MORE CHERRIES.”
“I honestly don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“EAT. CHERRIES.”
“But I already feel kinda sick–”
“CHERRIES.”
(Eats another half pound of cherries. Severe gastrointestinal discomfort ensues.)
“Oh, god. I think … I think I’m legitimately ill. I think it was the cher-”
“DO NOT BLAME CHERRIES.”
“You’re kidding, right? We do this every year.”
“NO.”
“Yes we do. We eat, like, three pounds of cherries in one sitting, and then we wonder why -”
“LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU-“
“WE WONDER WHY WE FEEL SICK.”
“I feel fine.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Do too.”
“I think I should call Rand and tell him we’re sick.”
“Tell him to buy more cherries.”
—————
Look, you guys, sometimes you just need to eat cherries until you run the risk of pooping in the middle of gym class.
