WTF Wednesday: Rand’s Facial Hair

Rand is growing out his beard.

He can barely keep it clean on his own.

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I know, I know. This is supposed to be a travel blog, right? And for the most part, my husband’s facial hair plays very little role in our travel, much less yours.

Goodness, what if it did, though. That would be one crazy-ass superpower, would it not?

Me: Honey, we’re going to miss our flight!

Rand: What should I do?

Me: SHAVE, YOU IDIOT. SHAVE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SHAVED BEFORE.

End scene. 

But I feel the need to mention it, because he looks like a totally different person right now, and I don’t want you guys going through a blog post and freaking out because you think that I’ve dumped Rand for a guy who looks similar to him, but substantially more mountain man-y.

Let’s take a look at Rand’s beard just a few months ago, when we were in Los Angeles:

Note: he’s the baby-faced one on the left, not the actual baby on the right.

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Cute, right? And totally respectable! He looks like a guy who’s gainfully employed, and who you could totally take home to mom.

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Let’s compare that to how Rand looks now:

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Make no mistake, he’s still excessively handsome, but doesn’t it look like my husband has been replaced with a copy that was handcrafted in Portland, OR?

And he now has this sort of strange, brooding quality.

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He told me that since he’s grown out his beard, people have come up to him on a near daily basis, trying to sell him “herb.” It keeps happening more and more, the longer his beard grows.

To explain this phenomenon, I’ve created this handy chart. It illustrates the correlation between beard length and the number of people trying to sell you drugs.

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At some point, if your beard gets long enough, the model breaks, and people assume you have drugs to sell. This has happened numerous times to a coworker of Rand’s.

I think Rand is anxiously awaiting the day that his beard reaches that length.

He looks entirely different, doesn’t he? I mean, this is the sort of guy you might not take home to mom. I would take him home to my mother, of course, but my mom is different than yours. My mom wears skinny jeans and gold heels.

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Anywho, I just wanted to clear up any confusion that all this excess hair growth might have caused. The guy in the photos is still Rand. I still like him.

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It looks like that beard isn’t just growing on him.

Hee.