Pitch, Please: I Respond to More Emails That I Should Probably Ignore

After the delightful success of my email conversations with Ted (spoiler: we’re now totally besties, and talking about gelato), and all the fun I had last time I replied to PR pitches and the like, I decided to respond to a few more emails that I probably shouldn’t have.

I’m starting to think I have too much time on my hands.

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These are actual emails (or portions thereof) that I have received, with my replies listed beneath them (yes, these were emails I really sent.) No one has written back, except for the last guy, and I’m guessing he wishes he hadn’t.

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Hello Sir/Madam,

A very good Afternoon to you! It was a great pleasure to read your blog https://www.everywhereist.com/. I believe the articles which I have on “Travel, Tour, Holiday ” will certainly grab the attention of your visitors. So, I am really eager to know whether you will be interested enough to accept the articles as guest posts. You can also provide me other topics if you want to.

Hi Simon,

That whole sir/madam thing is causing me an existential crisis.

Thanks. A. Lot.

Sincerely,
WHO AM I?

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(Note: I received this next email from a company that does god-knows-what. Their email included the following explanation: “It is an American company that operates an Internet shopping and CashBack.”

I READ THAT FIVE TIMES AND STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.)

Hello Geraldine!

Thank you that we have become followers.
You have beautiful pictures, twit and comments.
We wanted to know if you would take a few minutes to introduce you to something exciting!
Which is also surprised us!
Please think about tweeting us and send us feedback!

Thank you. I also like my twit.

But I can’t work with you because I’m pretty sure I’m in love with you.

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Hey,

Just a quicky. Your blog excites me! it’s a great looking and well kept blog. Unusual these days!

Anyway, I’m part of a team of rockstar bloggers and I blog for lots of brands. We are always on the lookout for good site placements for those blogs and yours fits the bill!

Weird. Last time someone requested a “quickie” and told me that something I did “excited” them, things went in an entirely. different. direction.

Anywho, I am curious as to how you balance a career as a rockstar and a blogger. I don’t play any instruments. But sometimes my husband plays the ukulele. Which I find exciting.

And then sometimes we have a quickie.

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Hi https://www.everywhereist.com/,

I’m writing to you to submit an idea I’ve had for a great piece of content that I think will fit in well on your site. 

…  I’ve attached the article to this email, and if you’re interested in using it, email me back, and we can discuss things further.

Hi Jennifer!