An Open Letter to Everyone Who Keeps Sending Me Press Releases

Dear PR People (at least, I assume it’s PR people, and not random folks who are just really excited about spring break and luggage) who have been attacking my inbox with an onslaught of incredibly dry, often misspelled press releases;

1. Please stop. You are wasting your time. I have never done more than occasionally skim a few of these in hopes they’re about the opening of a new bakery in my neighborhood.  And they never are.
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2. Randomly writing things in all caps is MY THING. Copycats.
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3. For the love of Pete, stop sending me follow up emails asking if I have any further questions. I DIDN’T HAVE ANY QUESTIONS TO START WITH.
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4. My name is not Jenny (nor has it ever been). If you must continue harassing me, at least address it properly, okay?

That’s all. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Geraldine