10 reasons why you shouldn’t trash your hotel room out of revenge

–

Note: While this was written on Monday night, I only just posted it now. Fear not – Rand and I are safely home and out of our terrible hotel.

Folks, I am currently in hotel hell. I will elaborate more on it when I get home – right now I am toiling away one last night in a room the size of a hatbox with my husband. There is only room for one of us to sit at the desk they’ve provided us at a time (and only one chair) so I’ll try and get this post out in the time that he’s done brushing his teeth.

Why do I suspect this photo, taken a few months ago, will get a LOT of use on my site?

–

Did I mention that the Plaza Inn and Suites in Ashland, Oregon, is horrible? NEVER STAY HERE. But, again, that’s for next week. In the meantime, I’m thinking about how lucky I am to have the support of my awesome friends like Christine, who tore the manager here a new a-hole on my behalf. Thanks, Christine! You’ll be happy to know that they sent us a cheap bottle of wine as an apology. Rand and I are at the point that we’re laughing our asses off about the whole thing: we joked that they were next going to move us into a janitorial closet (but the good news is that they’ll be giving us another bottle of shitty wine we won’t drink).

Sigh. One the plus side, I think I can dedicate about 12 blog posts (and possibly an entire blog, if I applied myself) to how terrible the Plaza Inn and Suites is. Which gets me to the moral of today’s post: No matter how bad or rotten your hotel experience, do not under any circumstances, trash the room in which you are staying out of revenge. Here’s why …

1. They have your credit card number. It’s already difficult enough getting illegitimate charges taking off your credit card (like the idiots who attempted who charge $300 worth of crap onto my card. For the record, morons, I don’t shop at Wal-Mart. Take note.) Just imagine the pain of trying to dispute carpet cleaning charges when you’re the one who smeared dog poop into it.
2. Housekeeping staff is already underpaid. If you trash the room, you’re just creating more work for people who don’t deserve it.
3. You’d lose your moral superiority. Let’s face it: you can’t get nearly as angry (or feel nearly as wronged) if you’ve done something reprehensible, too. Instead, keep your head held high and be a model guest. Even when you complain, do so with professionalism. If you start screaming like a crazy person, no one’s really going to believe your story, anyway.
4. Make a statement with your wallet. Being a consumer is one of the strongest weapons you have. I know you probably thought it was projectile vomiting, but for the last time, IT ISN’T.
5. It’s against the law. As shocking as it sounds, destroy the personal property of others is oftentimes illegal. Fortunately, posting detailed accounts of their heinousness (as long as said accounts are accurate and free of exaggerations or threats) is thoroughly and entirely legal. And totally cathartic. And maybe a weensy bit fun.
   

   Don't say the hotel linens gave you crabs ... unless they most definitely did.

   –

6. It won’t make you feel better. Not at all. If anything, trashing a hotel room will make you feel worse. Remember, just because other people are horrible and rotten and DEAR GOD SHOULD NOT BE IN THE HOSPITALITY INDUSTRY doesn’t mean the same is true of you.
7. It will hurt your chances of getting your money back. Seriously, nothing compromises a credit card claim or a court case like four gallons of cat urine strategically dumped into the center of a queen-sized bed.
   

   GAH! What IS that smell? Oh, right. Cat pee.

   –

8. You will be really, really embarrassed later. Especially if, say, you forget something in your room, and have to call the receptionist later to get it.
   “What room were we in? Um … I don’t remember, but it’s the one with the rabid raccoon locked in the minibar.”
9. Online reviews last a lot longer. Why not express your dismay at how you were treated in a forum that will actually make a difference to other consumers? Spelling out “THIS PLACE SUCKS” on the bathroom counter with your own pubes probably won’t be seen by nearly as many people. Instead, try typing out a similar message on TripAdvisor (which people apparently still use) or Yelp.
   

   One of my, "FUCK IT. I'll just sleep in the car." moments.

   –

10. It’s really hard to do. Have you ever tried pooping somewhere besides a toilet? I remember once when I was camping … sigh. Okay, I’m not going into it, but really: it’s not easy in the woods. I imagine it’s even harder in the stairwell of the Embassy Suites. Unless, of course, you’re Duck.

And that’s it, folks: ten reasons why you should take out your rage against your hotel in more productive and less destructive ways. Like, say, blogging …